Parenting Guide

Staying Safe With Assertiveness

Through Stand Strong • Stay Safe lessons, your child is learning how assertive behavior can help keep their bodies and feelings safe. Lesson 1 introduced them to the Stand Strong • Stay Safe rules, which will guide their discussions throughout the rest of the program. Read on for a review of what they learned and check out this additional resource for how to use assertiveness in parenting.

Assertiveness

In assertive behavior, the goal is clear and respectful communication, focusing on what you want or need. This skill is the foundation for children to be able to stand up for themselves, to set and defend their personal boundaries, and to use refusal skills when being asked to so something they are uncomfortable with. Being assertive fosters respect for both yourself and others. This is because you respect the thoughts, feelings, and perspectives of others while simultaneously defending your own right to different thoughts, feelings, and perspectives. When addressing behaviors that cross your boundaries or are inappropriate, assertiveness skills allow you to take positive action to improve a situation focusing on actions, not on the worth of the person.

To be ASSERTIVE, your child learned to:

stand or sit tall,
put your shoulders back,
look at the person you’re talking to, and
speak with a strong clear voice, like this: Stop, I don’t like that!

Learning the Stand Strong • Stay Safe Rules

Ask your child what they remember about the Stand Strong • Stay Safe Rules. These rules can help your child remember how to respond safely when faced with an uncomfortable or potentially dangerous situation.

Practice with your child by asking the following questions.

Can you teach me the motions for the Stand Strong • Stay Safe Rules you learned in class?
- They are roughly shown in the graphic above.
What does it look like to be assertive?
- Use the hints in the box on the previous page.
If something uncomfortable, scary, or unsafe happened, you need to tell a safe grown-up you trust. Who would you tell?
- Brainstorm a list of adults who you both feel are safe and who your child would feel comfortable talking to.
What could you do if you told a grown-up about something that happened, and they didn’t listen or didn’t believe you?
- Keep telling different grown-ups until you get help.
If someone hurts you, is it your fault?
- No, it’s never your fault if someone hurts you. Even if you did something wrong and someone became angry and hit you, their behavior is their choice and it is not your fault.

Emotional Control

One barrier to being able to respond assertively in challenging situations is your emotions. For children and adults alike, uncomfortable or unsafe situations can put our brains and bodies into an anxious and dysregulated state. This might look like anger, outbursts, withdrawal, or crying, and can make it much more likely that we will respond with aggressive or passive behavior. Learning how to regain emotional control is a critical skill in becoming resilient and able to respond safely in potentially dangerous situations.

In class, your child heard a story about a bunny who kept grabbing crayons. When the bunny’s classmates said, “Stop, I don’t like that!”, the bunny felt frustrated and angry. Before the bunny could apologize and try to start sharing, they needed to regain emotional control to avoid an angry outburst. Ask your child to try to remember what the bunny did. (Hint: Bunny took a long, deep breath before apologizing to the classmates!)

Practice Scenarios

Using the Stand Strong • Stay Safe Rules, how would you respond if:

Your sibling grabs a toy away from you while you were playing.
Your friend invites you to play a too-violent video game.
A neighbor borrows a tool from your home without asking and won’t give it back.
Your cousin is angry about something you did and starts yelling and hitting you.